A Message from Gen. Incompetence

'Greetings!'

"Maj. Stupidity was scheduled to give this talk, but he wasn't dumb enough.'

'First, let's sing our regimental song, dedicated to those gems of brilliance, the 2nd Lieutenants!'

All join in singing 'Louie Louie', extra credit for using the words generated by the FBI prior to the words being printed on the jacket liners.

'Excellent, none of you sang in the same key; you are a credit to the Corps!'

'My talk today is on safety, but first, march in review over that nearby suspension bridge; remember, KEEP IN STEP!'

Transcript ends following sounds of bridge vibrating apart as resonance frequency is reached...

****************
Safety. I've previously mentioned saws, and gloves, and fingers, and the lovely things that happen with a bad mix of the above. Writing this is taking a bit more effort than normal, as I have bandages on three fingers and thumb of my right hand.

So, no bleep, there I was, working on trimming twigs, etc., off the branches I'd removed from the Apple trees yesterday...

You only think you see what's coming, remember, Maj. Stupidity was too smart to give this talk...

Left hand is holding pruning saw, with lots of nasty sharp jagged teeth. Right hand is holding pull saw, used to cut thinner stock. Right hand brushes freshly cut branch to the left...

No, still not there, this is dumber still, Maj. Stupidity is too smart for this.

I'm wearing bicycling gloves. Bob Cratchet style bicycling gloves, the kind with no finger tips. The better to control what I'm doing while keeping my hands warm, as its wet outside...

I've no idea whatsoever how I avoided slicing my right index finger. But three knuckles and the ball of my thumb slid ever so smoothly along the pruning saw, thankfully not much pressure involved, small miracles happen.

I'm going to order proper safety gloves today.

Man, Gen. Incompetence may be too smart for this, I might be a 2nd Louie...

sound effect heard in the distance, a 'rim-shot'