Cars, doors, and electricity

So, there I was, all set to go pick up my new glasses, get in the car, glance around, see that one door hadn't been locked, hadn't closed quite properly when I'd taken in groceries last week, shut it properly and locked it, then tried to start the car. Totally dead battery. And my jumpstart power station thingy, hadn't given it a total charge in a while, not quite up to starting the car this time. Bet I'll have to reset the clock, too.

So I'm back inside, charging up my jumpstart power station, and musing on just how loose/ajar doors cause batteries to die.

Oh, sure, I know the official reason, if the door doesn't close all the way the dome light stays on and draws down the battery, but get real! I mean, how wimpy an explanation is that?

Nope, not going to use that explanation.

Ya see, it's like this, electricity stored in batteries is a closed system, have to open the system to utilize the juice. That wimpy little dome light couldn't possibly draw enough power to drain down the battery. Nope, it was the door being ajar, see, that made it an open system and the juice was able to spill out the car and down the gutter and into the storm drains, all the way out into the Willamette River, and trust me on this, the Willamette River would be able to drain the car battery. River's got a mighty thirst for power, that it does. Not to mention how close we are to where the Willamette drains into the Columbia, mighty powerful river, that one, bunch of electrical dams on it, so full of power they have to drain it off so it doesn't get rambuncious and leap out of the banks and flood places, like it did Vanport back before the dams were built. Well, that's not quite right, bunch of anthropomorphism there, actually the water builds up this static charge when it flows fast and if they don't drain it off with the dams it just gets pulled up out of the river bed until it finds a good ground and then kind of pools up for a bit, swirling and draining, until the excess charge is all gone, then it drops back into the river bed where it's supposed to be and continues on its way to the sea, adding to the electrical charge the ocean has, which is so great it keeps sliding back and forth looking for good grounds to drain it away, that's what they call tidal action, they say they're caused by the Moon, don't see how that could be unless it's that the Moon is rubbing up against the Earth building up a static charge like a balloon on cat fur [cats aren't too pleased with that experiment, let me tell you, sharp claws and don't like the popping sound either], bet if it wasn't for the charge the rivers supplied that wouldn't be enough to cause the ocean to try and cozy up to the Moon as a good ground, don't you be telling NASA about this, can just see them trying to build the charge up enough to sail to the moon on a big wave.

Much better explanation than some dinky dome light running down the battery, unless the dome light has a real good vocabulary, then I suspect it could run down any battery it chose to. *rimshot*

Yes, it's silly season, right here in River City.

Don't know about anyone else, but my brain feels drained now, sigh.

Post this Puppy!