2008-09-04

Pain: The Aftermath of over-exertion

Ow. As in, my hands, legs, and arms, and to a certain extent my back and shoulders, hurt. Earlier today muscles cramped up on both legs at the same time. My hands keep twitching, which plays hob with letting them rest on the trackball, 'cause I keep getting mouse clicks I didn't need.

Spent three hours yesterday in The Yard. Some of it on Apple Pruning; if it is of a height and mobility to attack me, it gets pruned; Mom, being some shorter than I, thinks this is fine, as it makes it that much safer for her. Some of it on hands and knees, pulling up Blackberries, Clematis, Ivy, and this invasive grass which makes a veritable inches thick mat of roots which practically rolls back on its own with our soil and some rain, and tends to bring the Clematis and Ivy with it. Was actually enjoying that, makes it so much easier, just roll up, lift, and toss aside; 'course, I'll now need to clean up the pile formed by tossing, but did a nice job clearing along the fence. Another like session and I'll have the first sweep done for the whole yard.

Some boards are down from the fence near the rear, need to measure so I'll get the right size for replacing them. Up front, near the double-wide gate, a section of fence is sadly listing and needs to be replaced; part of the reason its leaning so much is that we haven't done the job we should have cleaning up after some of our projects, and left stuff, heavy stuff, leaning against it for, oh, say five-six years and that hasn't been good for it.

Pulling up the grass, along with the Clematis/Ivy/Blackberries, informs me that I do need to think on what we want to plant for ground cover that'll be nice without turning out to be the next problem plant in a couple of years, something able to hold its own without taking over, like there's anything like that running around!

Want a shelter, something pleasant to hang out in, provide shade and cover, integrated into its surroundings. Maybe with controllable [Ha!] creeping plants on it, the grape arbor type; need to find out about native plants for this purpose, not Clematis even thought the twisted vine is native. I'm into the idea of semi-woodland, prairie's edge type of thing, that's the feel I'm after. And how to integrate Mom's desire for truck garden into this, and the real need for paved paths to demarcate varied-purpose areas from each other while providing good footing for Mom. And toying with the shelter being such that with an extension cord I could drag a sewing machine out and sew, or put together a cobbler's horse and working on boots and such.

I want a place I'll enjoy using, all these years being lectured about 'being part of the family', 'family responsibilities', when I wasn't part of the decision-making process and didn't feel like 'the family' gave a rip about how I might like to utilize the space. Parents, in my mind, would be better to use 'Because I told you to' instead of cloaking their desires as some amorphous family thing, because the way mine did it sure didn't leave me wanting to be part of the family, all it did was take and never ask if I might have some insights to throw into the ring, you know, be part of the family, help plan, and actually have the sense that what I thought mattered to 'the family'. Like, 'the family' was another cloak for 'having their way', like saying 'we'll work on this now' when what they really meant was 'you and your sister will do this for us now, we've other things to do', Sis and I called it 'The Mommy "We"' as Mom somehow never was included in 'we' even though she was the one who said it. Royal We, but different; Royal We pulls everything toward one person, Mommy We excludes that one person. Don't jerk your kids around. Don't act like they're involved in decision making when you aren't going to consider anything they say that isn't what you already wanted to do. The upside is, when you do want their input, you'll get it. Just make sure that there are times you will accept their input, make them happen, allow your kids to feel like they really do count for something other than semi-free labor, bring them into the family, someday you'll be old and heaven help you if they want nothing to do with you know that they have options; my parents were lucky, we had enough in common all those years that I was willing to move back from Chicago after he had two strokes so that they had someone who could help them out, even if it did feel too much like not much had changed from when I was a kid. Despite their worst efforts, I do have a strong sense of family. Which makes it a real bummer that it sure looks like my sister and I are the end of this branch of the family. Sure, I'm only 47, going on 48 prior to year's end, grandma lived to 102, but I don't see myself getting married and having kids, not with how my disabilities tie in with ability to shift focus, to maintain closeness, I just don't see it happening.

And there are times I hope no one is reading this blog, don't ever want to feel like a drag on anyone, like I'm pulling them down.

But the stream of consciousness helps me work things out, and doing it in this manner makes it easier to maintain a copy where it may help me, and so I do.

Post this puppy.

1 comment:

mairegirl said...

Ian,

John and I have always tried to follow that rule, if the kids have a choice then let them know, if the kids don't have choice then don't pretend that they do.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8484825@N06/
if you want you can see pics of the kids.