Vertigo is a very odd thing, and its been visiting me a bunch recently.

Like, looking up, and suddenly the room is turning around me, except it isn't. I can see that its not turning, yet I can feel that everything is spinning, like I'm at the center of a merry-go-round.

Or, really weird this, pulling on blackberry roots, and being ready to swear that the earth just shook, reverberated, like I was pulling on Yggdrasil's roots, the World Tree of Norse Mythoes, and the World literally shook, and knowing that there was no way that was actually happening.

Very strange. And my head trying to turn, drifting as with the tide, toward the right, actually feeling resistance as I tense my muscles and hold position.

If part of the mind believes something is happening, the rest of the mind will react as though it is happening.

Just like if one part of the mind creates sounds which aren't actually out there, they still exist, inside the mind which creates them. Some do great things with this, as Beethoven wrote his last symphony after he was completely and utterly deaf, yet his ears still heard the sounds and his hands could transcribe them.

So too with me, except that I haven't developed the skills to transcribe. And I wish I could. Of course, I also wish I had better control over the music, sometimes it isn't very restful or inspired, just annoying as all get-out. Other times, like right now, its pretty neat, a guitar riff inspired by BŐC's Don't Fear The Reaper, with a nifty oboe/keyboard or maybe electric guitar bit overlaying, and a flute solo descant just joined in, nifty stuff. But exhausting, as part of my mind is creating this, and then routing it through the neural pathways such that while I can feel that there are no pressure waves impacting my eardrums, the stereophonic stimulus is there, and I can't turn it down or off. Well, sometimes I can convince my mind that it should fade out like the end of a studio recording, and sometimes can convince it to not fade back in with the next song. Well, now its fading in with another BŐC-style ballad, for a bit I thought it might shift to something akin to Rush.

Or maybe a blend with some early Jade Warrior, haven't listened to them in years, should drag out Floating World sometime, have to hook up a record player and unearth the platters... or track down the cassette tapes I made lo these many years agone.

It's a bloody pain when you can't trust your mind to properly report what's going on in your surroundings.


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